christmas misses and new year hopes

been so dormant lately, the Muse has not visited. although the festive spirit began spreading over when December 1 kicked in, still unexplainedly, i sort of remained aloof from it all.  yet, one cannot but feel it in the air, the joyful excitement of Christmas and the hopeful expectancy of an incoming new year.  the stores have begun propping up their Christmas and year-end slash down sale offers. and hordes of people flocked to the malls and stores to prepare.

then, suddenly it's done. the holidays were over.

forced the mind and the heart to reminisce on the year that had just passed.  christmas was over again and another year had just kicked in.  i reread the first posts i wrote for 2015.  for me, 2015 was just a so-so year. not dramatic, just an average year, materially especially.  i was able to hold on a few pesos, fought the urge to spend them till the new year, 2016, had planted it's very first step in my frontyard.

Christmas misses --

 manong Pedro, my favorite street sweeper, had passed away way back last March and i have this lonely 100 peso bill in my wallet. i used to hand this over to him as my gift and he breaks into his tired smile and fighting off a cough thanks me, "boss, this is so much.." ;

Nanay Luding, or Claudia, my mother-in-law, also passed away, just this middle of November, and one time before Christmas, while my daughter was cleaning up her room, i saw her hold up an old Christmas card and mournfully said, " i will miss Lola(Grandma) Luding .." and I remembered Claudia has always been this person to write letters and send actual greeting cards to her loved ones. in this digital age, I know so very few are hanging on to keep on writing actual letters and greeting cards ...

i missed spending the holidays with my wife... it's different when you're sharing special times with the one you hold dearest in your heart ... the holiday songs mean more, the festive air more vibrant..

New Year hopes --

for the Muse to visit me as often as She can;

for the Infinite to keep me in its Holy Company;

for abundance and Peace to finally grace our country, not just for a select few, but for all, especially after we have chosen new leaders (another elections forthcoming);

for good health and material blessings ...

for the Infinite to let me share my gift of song ...

Let me share with everyone this prayer from one of my favorite Indian saints, Paramhansa Yogananda ---

Lord, teach us to feel

that Thou art the Power behind all wealth

and the Value within all things

finding Thee first we shall find

everything else in Thee.

Happy New Year to all of us!!

9,125 days, the journey goes on ...

she greeted ahead of me. again. like most times in the past, she beat me to the punch.

" Darling Happy 25th Anniversary sorry I'm not there physically .. " she messaged me via Viber.

" just arrived. Happy Anniversary. " i vibered back.

if i have beaten her to the greeting i would have said, " Happy 9,125th Day! "  after consulting my calculator i was amused upon learning it's been these many days since that November 17, the day we were wed. Wow!!!

i realized though that no matter how you reckon it -- by seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years -- a past momentous occasion or event elicits a certain unmistakable tug in our heartstrings, a rekindling of emotion. 

i felt again the joy of the wondrous moment. i know she did the same.

from that day, we initiated the journey as two hearts melded as one. tears, smiles, laughter, pains, joys, defeats, victories. these we shared.  our journey's still ongoing.  we were not always together each of these 9,125 days.  it is not necessary to be physically side-by-side.  it is difficult to do so.

what is important is to be always together in spirit.  to be connected inside.  heartstrings intertwined.  the Spirit of Love soars over vast physical distances.

It is an invisible bridge.

there is this songwriting contest here that i got tempted to join in.  it was a love song i entered.  no, I am not expecting to win but i just ventured boldly to submit my song.  the lyrics were in the vernacular, in Tagalog, as i found my native language more poetic, more expressive.  this is how i translated the words in English.  

reading these words again, i realized I must have written these for me and my wife, Margarita ---

a faint smile

a furtive glance

stirred Love's magic

in the breast

two hearts connected

as if  by chance

but, there is no denying

this is meant to be.

and now, the question is,

Is there really a Forever?

Is there really Unending Joy?

Oh, if Love

is Pure and True,

then the question has been answered

Now and Forever is but one,

Now and Forever is One ....

                             Happy 9,125 days to us!

not clouds, ... but, it's Claudia, passing ...

yes, not the clouds, it was Claudia.

she passed away just last November 9. it was sad but it was bound to happen.  Time, just as it will do for all of us, had finally claimed her.  old age had made her sickly and feeble during the past weeks and no medicine could ever reverse the ravage of Time.

now as I write this, my mind floated back in remembrance of my last encounter with her.  it was on FaceTime.  there is really such great physical distance between us as she was in the US.  I called her name several times but it appeared the painkillers she had ingested had taken hold of her senses.

she never smiled back at me as she was wont to do.  that warm smile that she had not withheld from me ever since the very first day I stepped foot in their house to start my courtship with her youngest daughter.  I missed it so.  during that FaceTime moment, I never told my wife, but, my heart cried helplessly.  I could only offer a fervent prayer to the Infinite if it is possible to make her smile anew.

Claudia is my wife's mother and so she was my second mother in this physical plane.  there is no doubt in my heart that she had wholeheartedly accepted me like her own son.  as me and my wife hurdled the challenges of married life, she was always there with her words of wisdom, encouragement, comfort, and an all encompassing motherly love.  every occasion we visited, her warmth and goodness and support always shone through.

i will miss the homely baked goodies she loved to serve.  i will cherish in my heart that funny moment during my early courtship days, when, she learned i was vegetarian and she cooked for me a meal of chilli peppers in coconut milk.  i heartily ate those chilli pepper spears to impress her,  confident in my thought that they were the ones that are not hot.  but they were, and they burned inside my mouth, and my tongue, and my throat. tears had formed in the corners of my eyes, and beads of sweat appeared on my forehead.  and she was there, watching me, with that motherly smile, so innocent, unknowing that those chillis had wrought havoc in me.

Claudia, or, Nanay Luding, as we fondly call her, is like the white clouds i saw today up in the sky this radiant Sunday morning -- light, bright, easy, happy.

she had passed away physically, but she will remain in my heart. . .

so long, Mother ...