Monday, January 11, 2016

an early disappointment

Christmas, done. 2016, had marched in into every one's life with varying degrees of fanfare and expectation.

i will not deny it. i have very high hopes that the early days, the first two weeks of January will bring me gladness of heart and fulfillment.  i have been so positive.  December 31, i was at work.  an hour before the advent of the new year, i cloistered myself at a quiet corner of our office pantry and closed my eyes.  focused my attention at the center of my forehead, a finger's breadth above my eyebrows.  the Sages say this is where the Soul is seated. with utmost love and reverence, i silently offered my prayer of thanks for the blessings I got for 2015 --
      thank you, Beloved, for the fortitude and strength and health you gave me and my family to overcome and hurdle life's challenges; for the joy of camaraderie and friendship, and for keeping us in Thy Holy Company ....

then, i continued with my plea for this new year --

      O Infinite, dear Beloved, you know my heart's aspirations more than i do, but at this particular moment, this i humbly ask of Thee.  i know you gave me a gift of song.  without much effort, You allow me to create melodies, tunes.   i believe You gave me this so i can be an instrument of Thine to share warmth and lightness of heart to fellow beings.  for many years now i kept this only for myself uncaring that i have not attempted to become the instrument you designed me to be.  But now, this is what i did, Lord, i entered two songs to a songwriting competition.  this is my attempt to submit to Thy will.  i know this is a sure way to share Thy gift of song.  if it is Thy will, let at least one of these songs to be considered ...

i ended my plea with thankful reverence and surrendered it to the bosom of the Universe.  it has been taught that once you have released your prayer or plea to the Infinite you need not think anymore about it.  let the Universe determine what is appropriate.

It is the second week of January 2016 now and i believe the songwriting competition is over.  the top twenty finalists have been chosen.  not any of my songs was considered. 

 i felt sad. 

 my daughter comforted me.  she said, " i was able to hear some of the chosen songs, Father, and your tunes were nowhere near the format of the melodies the judges preferred. "

" do you think i should create such like tunes? " i asked her.

" well, i know you can do it, but, if you follow their formula just so you can be chosen, i don't think you'll be happy, Father.  You should create music you love .. there are other songwriting competitions, let's try to find others where your songs will fit, where you need not follow others' formula .. "

she's absolutely right.  well, this is an early disappointment but the year is young and 

the Infinite has made known its will for this time.

i will just whistle my tune for now, and wait ... and look for other chances ..

if any one of you out there had experienced an early disappointment like i did, just let it be,

whistle a tune for now, and wait for other opportunities ...  

Friday, January 08, 2016

christmas misses and new year hopes

been so dormant lately, the Muse has not visited. although the festive spirit began spreading over when December 1 kicked in, still unexplainedly, i sort of remained aloof from it all.  yet, one cannot but feel it in the air, the joyful excitement of Christmas and the hopeful expectancy of an incoming new year.  the stores have begun propping up their Christmas and year-end slash down sale offers. and hordes of people flocked to the malls and stores to prepare.

then, suddenly it's done. the holidays were over.

forced the mind and the heart to reminisce on the year that had just passed.  christmas was over again and another year had just kicked in.  i reread the first posts i wrote for 2015.  for me, 2015 was just a so-so year. not dramatic, just an average year, materially especially.  i was able to hold on a few pesos, fought the urge to spend them till the new year, 2016, had planted it's very first step in my frontyard.

Christmas misses --

 manong Pedro, my favorite street sweeper, had passed away way back last March and i have this lonely 100 peso bill in my wallet. i used to hand this over to him as my gift and he breaks into his tired smile and fighting off a cough thanks me, "boss, this is so much.." ;

Nanay Luding, or Claudia, my mother-in-law, also passed away, just this middle of November, and one time before Christmas, while my daughter was cleaning up her room, i saw her hold up an old Christmas card and mournfully said, " i will miss Lola(Grandma) Luding .." and I remembered Claudia has always been this person to write letters and send actual greeting cards to her loved ones. in this digital age, I know so very few are hanging on to keep on writing actual letters and greeting cards ...

i missed spending the holidays with my wife... it's different when you're sharing special times with the one you hold dearest in your heart ... the holiday songs mean more, the festive air more vibrant..

New Year hopes --

for the Muse to visit me as often as She can;
for the Infinite to keep me in its Holy Company;
for abundance and Peace to finally grace our country, not just for a select few, but for all, especially after we have chosen new leaders (another elections forthcoming);
for good health and material blessings ...
for the Infinite to let me share my gift of song ...

Let me share with everyone this prayer from one of my favorite Indian saints, Paramhansa Yogananda ---

Lord, teach us to feel
that Thou art the Power behind all wealth
and the Value within all things
finding Thee first we shall find
everything else in Thee.

Happy New Year to all of us!!