in my current job now i became a member of a team where almost all of my teammates were half of my age. during one of our team chats, suddenly from out of the blue, one of our female teammates confessed, "i am broken hearted!" we found out she had something like a misunderstanding with her boyfriend and they have to sort of cool off for the time being.
and so for a while, the team chat meandered to the subject of love. she was assured everything will turn out alright, for the better. she was advised if that guy is really the right person for her then all will turn out well in the end. then came the usual cliches on love -- love is giving and taking; love is surrender; " it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all .."; love is sacrifice ...
throughout all these, i just tried to take it all in stride. they are young. and love is still an adventure. but i'm confident that in time they will learn more about love. as for me, on the subject of love, i must admit, i will forever be a student. they are talking about love between two persons. lovers. they are arguing about the physical bond between two people. and the romantic bond between two opposite sexes. and the emotional bond. and the attachment.
this last item, attachment, this i think is what makes love difficult. this is what makes hearts go "broken". i can't help but hum that old BeeGees song where Barry Gibb wrote -- "how can you mend a broken heart, how can you stop the rain from falling down ..". practically, Barry Gibb is saying that it is almost impossible to mend a broken heart, as it is almost impossible to stop the rain from falling down.
non-attachment. this i think is what will prevent broken hearts. but, the big question is, how can one love and be non-attached? for now, i'll admit, i still wont be able to answer this question. however, there are those who say that non-attachment can be learned. that it can be cultivated. if you are not attached to things, to people that you love, it will be easy to let go. separation will not be a difficult situation to handle. because non-attachment will give you the confidence that separation is the best way out, that leaving is the best way to stay!
throughout the team chat i just watched my teammates amuse themselves on the subject of love. then all too suddenly, this remembrance came to my mind, and robotically i typed these words -- "love the one you're with." i can't remember now where i read these but i'm pretty sure it was from the lyrics of an old love song i can't recall now. but it stayed with me. these words.
when these words flashed on their screens, these elicited some amusement on most. one of my female teammates kidded me, "then i should love you because you're the one with me now!" well, i thought, that's actually not a bad idea. i smiled silently at this thought. but, that is not what i meant. or what is meant by the person who wrote those words. when i first read those words i took it literally. but in time, i learned to give it a different meaning.
who is the person we are always with?
our own self is the person we are always with. love thy self. love thy person. always. in loving oneself first, one will discover a lot of things. one will discover surrender. one will know giving. one will find confidence. and once one is confident, one will find non-attachment. because one will arrive at this realization -- one is complete by oneself.
Showing posts with label self reliance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self reliance. Show all posts
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
a lesson from ralph waldo
she was sitting there by herself when i came home. my daughter. she looked glum and in a pensive mood.
"why are you looking so distraught?" i asked her.
she looked at me. smiled her shy smile. it was a sad smile. is this correct? is there such a thing as a sad smile? but isn't a smile always associated with happiness? probably it's better to call it a half-smile. there, sounded better. suggesting happiness but there's this hint of being incomplete. dissatisfaction.
"what happened?" i asked further. i always make it point that lines of communication between my daughter and me are always open. i need this. i want her to know that although i am her father i could also be a good friend. that i am always ready to listen. i always remember what i've been told some years back -- it's always easy to hear, what is hard is to listen.
"i'm disappointed with the grade i received." she finally said," i was expecting a really good grade for that last project i submitted, but the professor saw otherwise. but now that i've thought about it, it is really my fault.
that's really not the one i originally picked to submit. it's just that when i heard my classmates' criticisms on my first pick i immediately shelved it and worked on this one which i submitted. i really liked that first one. ggrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! i should not have listened to them.
and you know, dad, one of my other classmates had submitted her project which ran along the concept of my original pick and guess what? our professor liked it much! oh, i should have submtted the one that i most liked."
"well, you'll know better next time," i told her. "and don't be disappointed that somebody else shone on that particular time. remember, there are people who are like the sun. they are inherently bright. at most times, they are the ones that are immediately noticed. they shine at once. but there are others that are like the moon. they need a special time to shine, to show their glow. but when they do, they shine differently. like the moon which lends the night her own special beauty and affects us in her unique way."
she smiled a full smile this time.
"now, i need your help on this," i continued," please google 'self reliance by ralph waldo emerson' on your computer."
she did so. in a short while, her search returned several ralph waldo emerson webpage links. she chose one and immediately emerson's famous essay displayed on the screen. she browsed over the paragraphs. i just stood quietly behind her. after a while she smiled a full smile again. i knew that she saw what i wanted her to see on that essay. i asked her to read it aloud as i pointed to the words -- " to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true in your private heart is true for all men .... a man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within .... abide by our spontaneous impression with good humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side ... "
"from now on, Papa, i will trust myself," she confided,"even if my classmates say otherwise. i will trust what my inner self says. and i know that by doing this i will not find myself regretting not doing what i think is right."
i smiled my full smile.
and i know that ralph waldo is also smiling his full smile. he had helped another person gain self reliance.
i can still recall one of the lines in that essay -- "else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time. and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another ..."
"why are you looking so distraught?" i asked her.
she looked at me. smiled her shy smile. it was a sad smile. is this correct? is there such a thing as a sad smile? but isn't a smile always associated with happiness? probably it's better to call it a half-smile. there, sounded better. suggesting happiness but there's this hint of being incomplete. dissatisfaction.
"what happened?" i asked further. i always make it point that lines of communication between my daughter and me are always open. i need this. i want her to know that although i am her father i could also be a good friend. that i am always ready to listen. i always remember what i've been told some years back -- it's always easy to hear, what is hard is to listen.
"i'm disappointed with the grade i received." she finally said," i was expecting a really good grade for that last project i submitted, but the professor saw otherwise. but now that i've thought about it, it is really my fault.
that's really not the one i originally picked to submit. it's just that when i heard my classmates' criticisms on my first pick i immediately shelved it and worked on this one which i submitted. i really liked that first one. ggrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! i should not have listened to them.
and you know, dad, one of my other classmates had submitted her project which ran along the concept of my original pick and guess what? our professor liked it much! oh, i should have submtted the one that i most liked."
"well, you'll know better next time," i told her. "and don't be disappointed that somebody else shone on that particular time. remember, there are people who are like the sun. they are inherently bright. at most times, they are the ones that are immediately noticed. they shine at once. but there are others that are like the moon. they need a special time to shine, to show their glow. but when they do, they shine differently. like the moon which lends the night her own special beauty and affects us in her unique way."
she smiled a full smile this time.
"now, i need your help on this," i continued," please google 'self reliance by ralph waldo emerson' on your computer."
she did so. in a short while, her search returned several ralph waldo emerson webpage links. she chose one and immediately emerson's famous essay displayed on the screen. she browsed over the paragraphs. i just stood quietly behind her. after a while she smiled a full smile again. i knew that she saw what i wanted her to see on that essay. i asked her to read it aloud as i pointed to the words -- " to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true in your private heart is true for all men .... a man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within .... abide by our spontaneous impression with good humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side ... "
"from now on, Papa, i will trust myself," she confided,"even if my classmates say otherwise. i will trust what my inner self says. and i know that by doing this i will not find myself regretting not doing what i think is right."
i smiled my full smile.
and i know that ralph waldo is also smiling his full smile. he had helped another person gain self reliance.
i can still recall one of the lines in that essay -- "else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time. and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another ..."
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