Thursday, December 30, 2010

true love

i have just had finished feeding both whoopie and chelsea. the new mom had adjusted herself to her new role as nurturer. she is, i believe more relaxed now. she had actually began playing with whoopie again. i decided to sweep the yard again of the fallen leaves. the new year is fast approaching. here in the philippines, the tradition is to welcome the new year with fireworks and fire crackers. literally, with a bang. i don't want a wayward spark to accidentally ignite these dried leaves in my yard.

i was sweeping when i got seized by this sudden realization that another year is passing. time is again fleeting by. and mine, my existence, is also running past. there was this feeling. it was not dread, but more so, of longing, that somehow there'd be an end, and i won't be seeing these anymore -- the cavorting shadows of these two dogs, cast by the brilliant sun above, against the powdery earth; and this majestic avocado tree that showers my yard with leaves of green and brown and gold; the wisps of gray smoke from the leaves i'm burning, rising upwards, upwards to that blue sky overhead, aspiring to join those cottony clouds; the faint scent of leftover dog food; the whining of newborn puppies, eyes still tightly shut; the taste of coffee, very black against the whiteness of this old ceramic cup -- all of these, and more. i felt lonely that things do end. and yet, i know, this is the Grand Design. that all of us will undergo this. we are on a journey through Life and eventually will all be Home.

i looked at the sleeping puppies. one is white. the other brown. their bellies rhythmically rising and falling as they breathe. at peace in their inner world. the sleep of babes. i sat down in front of the storeroom door staring at these new addition to Life. Existence. the two grown up dogs had stopped playing. chelsea entered the storeroom and curled beside the two pups. soon i saw them move towards their mother's breasts. whoopie was beside me now and i felt his wet tongue licking my ear from behind. i ignored him. let him be. i remembered my dead parents, then my wife, my daughter, and all of the people i have loved, in this life...

i hummed an old tune i was blessed enough to compose:

in this world of ups and downs
there is nothing we can hold on for long
for everything changes
everything passes away;
like this lovely flower that grew
it would soon wither and lose its scent
for everything changes
everything passes away;
for only Love
only True Love remains
only Love
only True Love remains
never bending
True Love.

tomorrow, at 12 midnight, i will welcome the new year amidst the fancy fireworks and the popping, and cracking, and the booming of fire crackers, with a silent prayer --

o Infinite! grant us all True Love ...

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