Thursday, December 16, 2010

expecting fatherhood

it was a faint voice at the other end of the line. it was my daughter.

"pop, i'm sick," she declared feebly, "i have a fever. i already skipped class, sorry."

"have you taken any medicines?" i asked worriedly, "it's better if you can come home. nobody will look after you there at the dorm."

"yes, i took a medicine for fever. i'll rest for a bit then go home."

 at home, she immediately collapsed on her bed and tried to sleep. later, when i took her temperature it read 39.6 degrees celsius. rather high. my brother advised us to visit the doctor. we drove to the nearby hospital. she was asked to undergo the usual lab tests -- urinalysis, blood tests. because of a breakout of dengue, these procedures are standard tests especially for those who ran high fever. her tests were fine. she was diagnosed for tonsilitis. her tonsils were very swollen hence the fever. probably too much cold soda. the doctor prescribed some pills for her and advised her to gargle regularly. i took the prescription and told my daughter to wait for me at my brother's car. he and his wife actually drove us to the hospital. bless them!

i was made to wait at the pharmacy while the aide went to the stockroom to fetch fresh stocks of the medicines i was buying. i  sat at one of the nearby empty benches. this was when i noticed this young man of about 20. he has this uneasy, worried look in his face. he keeps on pacing back and forth, back and forth in front of one of the closed doors. he seems to be marching, measuring his steps. talking to himself. seemingly psyching himself up. he just can't seem to stay  in one place. he periodically stops only to cautiously open the door he's guarding to peer inside. then he slowly closes it again and goes back to his march. i looked at him more attentively and behold, i caught it, that nervous, eager glint in his eyes. i had that once. and i knew it. his wife is soon to deliver his baby.

i smiled silently to myself and allowed my thoughts to drift back in time when i was like him. when i had the nervous, excited, expectant look. except that unlike him i did not march back and forth. i just waited and prayed fervently that both my wife and our baby will be well. when the doctor told me she had delivered our baby and both were doing fine my heart leapt in thankful joy! when they announced it was viewing time, i hurriedly ran to the nursery and there behind its glass wall, in one of the cribs, i saw her for the first time. my baby girl! all wrinkled and fragile. sleeping comfortably, confidently. a very slight hint of innocent smile on her face.  i talked to myself: sito, you are a father now. you don't know the unwritten laws that governed this birth. why you were chosen to be this newborn's guardian. but, remember you are not just the father of this physical bundle of joy. more so, you are also the father of the divine spark within her. you will be the guardian not just of her material well-being but also of her divine essence. you must be a father to both.

the aide came with the medicines. i stood up and claimed my purchase. as i turned around to walk back to where my daughter was  waiting my eyes locked on the young man again. he noticed me staring but he did not stop his marching. he nervously smiled at me. i smiled back. a father to father smile. i know he understood the message in my eyes -- 

don't worry kid.
every thing will be alright with us. you are expecting your first brush with fatherhood when your baby is delivered into this world, i am expecting my next brush with fatherhood when my daughter discovers her real Self, the Divine Spark in her, and is born into the world of poets, seers, artists, saints.

the Sages and Masters remind us this, that part of the duty of parenthood is not just to usher a soul into the material world but more so to guide it and nurture it until it sees its True Nature and discovers the Divine Life.

when i stepped out of the hospital my daughter scolded me, "Pa, what took you so long?"  i gently placed the back of my right hand by the side of her neck to feel if she still has some fever ... it is starting to subside ...

i silently thanked the Infinite.


Christopher Dos Santos said...

Namaste my brother. You are a most wonderful father, husband and man. This blog was beautifully written. Again your attention to the minute details of your surroundings is remarkable.

Each soul will gravitate to the level of spiritual gnosis it is meant to absorb. I have two children, my daughter is soon to be 23 and my boy will turn 21 next month. Most people would assume that due to the spiritual aptitude of myself and wife that invariably our offspring would embrace a similar path. This is not the case. I feel confident that my children have a good heart. As a result of their upbringing, they choose love as a prime directive. However, neither has shown, thus far, a propensity to delve deeper into the esoteric. As one would suspect they are busy developing their minds with school and preparing themselves for a world away from the nest. I trust that if their esoteric spark is ignited they will know we are here to assist in their path.

We always want the very best for our children. However, it is important to allow them opportunity to choose their own path. This freedom allows them to learn from discovery. Our children are not taught to discover, rather they are taught to echo the sentiments of others. I think one of the most valuable gifts we can give our children is to encourage them to learn to think for themselves.

Often we look at our children seeing extensions of our selves. We fail to remind ourselves of the cardinal law of unity. My son and daughters are reflections of myself. I am my daughter, my son is me. We are not body we are one eternal consciousness.

I find it a wonderful challenge to harbor in my heart the same thoughts, feelings and emotions of love for all reality that I hold for my wife and children. This true unconditional love we normally reserve for those closest to us is the same bar we must set for all expressed reality. Moreover, it is this one concept of unity and unconditional love we need to make available to our children above and beyond anything else.

In Lak' esh, my brother Sito, I am another you...

sito saguid said...

brother, you hit the nail on the head again. we can only provide good upbringing. as for the Divine Life, they will gravitate to it in their own time. we can only sow the seeds of True Love. you are, yourself a most wonderful father, husband and man as well. thank you for taking your time to post your wise comments. these, i am confident,will further help the readers of this blog, in all humility, towards inner awareness. we are as you often say always one.