the internet feeling

i had the occasion to video chat with my grandniece via the internet.  she smiled at me. i smiled back at her.  her eyes twinkled in merriment and i desperately tried to match that twinkle in her eyes. yet, i know my eyes will never be able to capture again that innocent gaze.

i know,  i have had that pure gaze once. i was a child once also.

as one grows older and learns of the ways of this world one becomes adulterated. one becomes a grown person and one's eyes project the adult viewpoint of life. as one becomes inured to participate in an adult's constant grind to achieve material gains and be on top of the heap, one becomes devious unknowingly, and one loses the inner child.  that aspect of his self that has the sense of wonder, that sense of awe, as he beholds the multiplicity of the Infinite's creation surrounding him. that sense of self that puts unwavering trust in the Infinite -- " i am the Infinite's child and i  reside in its bosom, i will not be forsaken. i will be eternally happy."

she smiled again at me. she twinkled her lovely eyes. she never said a word, yet, her  2-year old eyes bequeathed silent joy in my heart. i remembered a little poem i wrote for a child once --

oh, little child with a happy smile
wish i could just be you a while
and have those ruddy, fluffy cheeks
oh, your innocent happiness i seek

you care not for even one tomorrow
for you the future holds no sorrow
it seems like heaven's blessed showers
are poured upon your eternal flower.


she extended her hand towards me. i extended mine. our hands met, our fingers tried to intertwine.  there will be no sense of touch  though, as we are miles apart.  yet, we kept our hands on the monitor's screen. trying to touch. 

she smiled her innocent smile as we kept at this playfulness.  i smiled back at this craziness.

i am rediscovering my inner child.