far margarita

so ...

i can't hug her personally nor plant a soft kiss on her forehead or more sweetly upon her lips,

because,

she is miles across the seas and skies,

far is margarita.

but,

I hug back this sunlight that hugs me now and warms my heart

for I know this same sunlight will hug her too, later, and she will embrace the same,

and her heart will feel the same warmth I felt,

and be assured, and be comforted.

i cannot physically hand her a rose today

i remembered giving her flowers just once during the courtship days --

a good friend knew i will visit her and my friend picked flowers in her garden

for me to gift margarita, 

they were white, and yellow, and pink, and delicate,

and they all smelled good,

and they made margarita smile --

those flowers whose names I never knew of were long gone now

but whenever I close my eyes, I see them inside,

still fresh and delicate and smelling sweetly,

and i remember her fond smile ..

so, Today, Valentine's Day,

I will be celebrating this day of hearts alone,

but deep in my heart i won't be 

Margarita, my wife, will be here,

hugged tightly, kissed sweetly.

i will be in a quiet.corner of our humble house

a cup of steaming, black, brewed coffee near me

cuddling my guitar

i will be singing the song i made for her, only for her,

whisper it gently to the wind

who will whisper it to her

Today, Valentine's Day .....  --

" don't anybody stop the rain

from falling down Margarita's hair

let the gentle raindrops fall and settle down her head so fair;

let their coldness touch her

let their pureness wash her

don't anybody stop the rain from falling down Margarita's hair;

let her know how you love her

let her know how much you miss her

and tell her how just like the rain

you'd love to kiss Margarita's hair

yes, tell her how just like the rain

you'd love to be on Margarita's hair .. " --

my song is done

my heart is dancing

Happy Valentine's Day,

Sweet

Heart!

the hesitant rain, or the Beloved at play ...

i looked up at the sky and i saw the clouds are so gray and thick.  even the sunbeams are getting difficulty piercing them.  i instinctively knew they are pregnant with accumulated water.  The promise of rain.  January had started on a hot mode and the rains will be a welcome respite.  a mischievous, elated smile formed on my lips.  i am about to water my wife's garden.  she had requested that i take care of her cherished plants while she's away.  i agreed of course but such additional task takes some precious personal time which I could use for my other pursuits like reading blog posts of internet friends or writing a blog post of my own.  so this impending rain will be a great help indeed!  i'll have some more free time.  and so I confidently tucked away the water hose and slipped back inside the house.  i grabbed my daughter's ukulele and started to capture the notes for one of my favorite jazz standards, Misty.

i am in the midst of my ukulele version of Misty when the rains started to drop.  here we go, i told myself and the plants, enjoy the rains.  they came, the raindrops, heavy and big, plopping down on my rooftop and on the plants' leaves.  but, wonder of wonders, like a short burst of gunfire, the rains stopped!  so sudden, so abrupt, roughly two minutes, and it's gone.  even the pregnant clouds overhead were gone, the grayness faded.  the Sun, that's nowhere before, is flaunting her silvery beams again.  the sunbeams speared me thru the window.  the birds, which somehow scampered away during the gray spell, we're back, twittering incessantly, with their own version of Bird Misty.  I shook my head in disbelief and went out back to my wife's garden.  I grabbed the water hose and sprayed the plants with water.  there was a promise of rain but the rain reneged on its promise for some reason.  I have to fulfill it.  

back inside the house, i looked at the ukulele which i left on the sofa.  the urge to play Misty is no longer in me. the Infinite, the Beloved, Life had played with me again.  I realized it is not just me.  i believe many others had experienced this -- 

when one is so confident that everything is right in one's corner of the Universe, that what one expects to happen will happen, especially when the tell-tale signs are there; then, all of a sudden, without any warnings, the expectation did not come to pass, and one is left befuddled, bewildered, momentarily lost --

times like these, i realized one should not demand an explanation from the Beloved, from the Infinite.  one should just surrender, and, make an honest effort to make things right and good again in one's corner of the Universe ... 

the Beloved is at play ...

i picked up the ukulele and cradled it in my arms, like a newborn child, i closed my eyes and hummed Misty,

the urge to capture it on the uke came back and my fingers amateurishly danced on its fretboard and tapped the notes, dropping like the droplets of the hesitant rain ...

http://youtu.be/d6np1zhRar0

an early disappointment

Christmas, done. 2016, had marched in into every one's life with varying degrees of fanfare and expectation.

i will not deny it. i have very high hopes that the early days, the first two weeks of January will bring me gladness of heart and fulfillment.  i have been so positive.  December 31, i was at work.  an hour before the advent of the new year, i cloistered myself at a quiet corner of our office pantry and closed my eyes.  focused my attention at the center of my forehead, a finger's breadth above my eyebrows.  the Sages say this is where the Soul is seated. with utmost love and reverence, i silently offered my prayer of thanks for the blessings I got for 2015 --

  

      thank you, Beloved, for the fortitude and strength and health you gave me and my family to overcome and hurdle life's challenges; for the joy of camaraderie and friendship, and for keeping us in Thy Holy Company ....

then, i continued with my plea for this new year --

      O Infinite, dear Beloved, you know my heart's aspirations more than i do, but at this particular moment, this i humbly ask of Thee.  i know you gave me a gift of song.  without much effort, You allow me to create melodies, tunes.   i believe You gave me this so i can be an instrument of Thine to share warmth and lightness of heart to fellow beings.  for many years now i kept this only for myself uncaring that i have not attempted to become the instrument you designed me to be.  But now, this is what i did, Lord, i entered two songs to a songwriting competition.  this is my attempt to submit to Thy will.  i know this is a sure way to share Thy gift of song.  if it is Thy will, let at least one of these songs to be considered ...

i ended my plea with thankful reverence and surrendered it to the bosom of the Universe.  it has been taught that once you have released your prayer or plea to the Infinite you need not think anymore about it.  let the Universe determine what is appropriate.

It is the second week of January 2016 now and i believe the songwriting competition is over.  the top twenty finalists have been chosen.  not any of my songs was considered. 

 i felt sad. 

 my daughter comforted me.  she said, " i was able to hear some of the chosen songs, Father, and your tunes were nowhere near the format of the melodies the judges preferred. "

" do you think i should create such like tunes? " i asked her.

" well, i know you can do it, but, if you follow their formula just so you can be chosen, i don't think you'll be happy, Father.  You should create music you love .. there are other songwriting competitions, let's try to find others where your songs will fit, where you need not follow others' formula .. "

she's absolutely right.  well, this is an early disappointment but the year is young and 

the Infinite has made known its will for this time.

i will just whistle my tune for now, and wait ... and look for other chances ..

if any one of you out there had experienced an early disappointment like i did, just let it be,

whistle a tune for now, and wait for other opportunities ...