twenty-two

i'm supposed to be sleeping since i have to go to work this evening. i'm on what we call the graveyard shift. work begins at 1:00 am but i need to leave home at about 11 pm.  so i need to sleep in the daytime to prepare myself.

but i can't find sleep.  the wife is away at work. we'll not be able to see each other much this week and the coming week.  she just texted  via her mobile phone she's not feeling fine. she said she's thinking she might have caught the flu.  tired, she said.  yet, she can't rest much. she's with her bosses. i told her to take it easy. we're not getting younger.  hope she gets better soon as possible.

last november 17, we marked our twenty-two years of being together.  i realized time has really flown so fast.  these years were of course with its ups and downs.  but. we managed it and we hope to manage it for the ensuing years.  i know, my simple living did not grant her any substantial things --  not a beautiful house; not a fat bank account; there was a second-hand car that we  were able to enjoy for a while but was not able to claim back from the car repair shop when it broke down.

i'd like to thank her for sticking it out with me.  for appreciating my crude music. my attempt at poetry.  my laziness.  my not being able to become rich. my not keeping up with the Joneses.

for this 22nd year of bearing with me, i'd like to share with her this beautiful song.  this is from one of my favorite guitarists of all time, wes montgomery.  wes entitled it i've grown accustomed to her face.

wes' notes brought tears to my eyes.  what i cannot say in words, wes' notes is saying for me ...

thank you for being with me ...

pieces of us

 i was on my way home from work. i chanced to drop by the supermarket to buy some fresh bean curd and vegetables from the mall's supermarket for the ensuing week.

i ascended the escalator and as i got off i noticed this small pink object at the escalator's landing.  it was the right half of a little girl's sandals.  i stopped to check if someone will be coming back to retrieve it.  minutes had passed and no one returned. i imagined the little one might have gotten tired and asked to be carried. that's when she dropped her right sandal and not any of her companions had noticed.  i imagined she might have looked back. she might have called the attention of her companions but they were so engrossed with their business at the mall. or, they might have thought that, well, it's just an old sandal and not worth looking for or retrieving. 


we are as this little one.  we leave pieces of ourselves behind. every day. every minute of our lives. we leave something behind. some are worth looking back at or returning for, some we'd like to discard and altogether forget. yet, we know these pieces are part of us and we cannot totally disengage.  most of these are in our deepest memories,  in our mind's eye.  most pieces of us that we'd like to discard are those that brought pain and inconveniences and failures. and yet, come to think of it, these pieces of us were the ones that brought the greatest lessons in life.  as we go on the journey towards self-discovery, towards what that great sage, don juan matus,  referred to as "totality of Self", we find pieces of our jigsaw puzzle self.  we'd like to think that some pieces do not fit, so we just let them go.

 yet, like this little girl"s sandals, without the right half, what will be the use of the left half?

 

we are, as we march through Life's journey, finding our true identity.  our true purpose.  our true selves.

we cannot deny some pieces of us that we find undesirable. we have to accept all we discover about ourselves,

so we can find our

true totality. 

barcelona

when she disclosed that her boyfriend is going to barcelona for something like a few year's working stint there, immediately, our office mates, even i, teased her about it.  we reminded her how barcelona is in sunny spain.  home of beautiful spanish senoritas with fluttering eyelashes and long, shapely legs, and wavy, ebony tresses and slim hips that sway rhythmically along with the mesmerizing cadence of castanets. she  got teased that her boyfriend will definitely find a lovely senorita to replace her.

she took these teasing all in stride. smiling rather confidently. but in time, she became quiet and i believe the teasing has gotten into her.  who would not be?  between the philippines and barcelona is a vast physical distance, and several years of physical separation really will weigh a lot between lovers.

well, love is best when it is able to pass tests.

love must pass the test of constancy or inconstancy. lovers being apart in place and time will test the bond of love. the two hearts must be strong, must be constant, must not waver.  when one heart succumbs then love will fail.  love must have an anchor. love must have a nest. it must have a home to return to.

of course, lovers must anticipate weaknesses.  and indiscretions.  yet, if love is true and strong, heart should rebound and realize the mistake after falling to moments of forgetfulness.  it should remember, and cleanse itself and return to its rightful nest.  to the other heart that awaits it and complements it and makes it  whole.

true,  great love does not impose conditions. true, great  love accepts but most every time it gives.

true, great love can move away, yet it should return .. and even with more intensity and fondness ..

"dad,"  she asked me,"will you blog about this?"
 "of course," i replied,"i will."

looking at her worried eyes, i was tempted to tell her that this particular occasion will be a test of their love and she should welcome this; this will prove how strong their bond is. how constant their hearts are. yet, i did not tell her.

their hearts will instinctively know.

barcelona is in sunny spain. it has its lovely maidens and enticing staccato of castanets and romantic spanish guitars.  if this other heart will move there, it should return later after it completes its sojourn,

it should find that its true, sunny barcelona is right here, in the philippines, in this young woman's heart  ....