9,125 days, the journey goes on ...

she greeted ahead of me. again. like most times in the past, she beat me to the punch.

" Darling Happy 25th Anniversary sorry I'm not there physically .. " she messaged me via Viber.

" just arrived. Happy Anniversary. " i vibered back.

if i have beaten her to the greeting i would have said, " Happy 9,125th Day! "  after consulting my calculator i was amused upon learning it's been these many days since that November 17, the day we were wed. Wow!!!

i realized though that no matter how you reckon it -- by seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years -- a past momentous occasion or event elicits a certain unmistakable tug in our heartstrings, a rekindling of emotion. 

i felt again the joy of the wondrous moment. i know she did the same.

from that day, we initiated the journey as two hearts melded as one. tears, smiles, laughter, pains, joys, defeats, victories. these we shared.  our journey's still ongoing.  we were not always together each of these 9,125 days.  it is not necessary to be physically side-by-side.  it is difficult to do so.

what is important is to be always together in spirit.  to be connected inside.  heartstrings intertwined.  the Spirit of Love soars over vast physical distances.

It is an invisible bridge.

there is this songwriting contest here that i got tempted to join in.  it was a love song i entered.  no, I am not expecting to win but i just ventured boldly to submit my song.  the lyrics were in the vernacular, in Tagalog, as i found my native language more poetic, more expressive.  this is how i translated the words in English.  

reading these words again, i realized I must have written these for me and my wife, Margarita ---

a faint smile

a furtive glance

stirred Love's magic

in the breast

two hearts connected

as if  by chance

but, there is no denying

this is meant to be.

and now, the question is,

Is there really a Forever?

Is there really Unending Joy?

Oh, if Love

is Pure and True,

then the question has been answered

Now and Forever is but one,

Now and Forever is One ....

                             Happy 9,125 days to us!

not clouds, ... but, it's Claudia, passing ...

yes, not the clouds, it was Claudia.

she passed away just last November 9. it was sad but it was bound to happen.  Time, just as it will do for all of us, had finally claimed her.  old age had made her sickly and feeble during the past weeks and no medicine could ever reverse the ravage of Time.

now as I write this, my mind floated back in remembrance of my last encounter with her.  it was on FaceTime.  there is really such great physical distance between us as she was in the US.  I called her name several times but it appeared the painkillers she had ingested had taken hold of her senses.

she never smiled back at me as she was wont to do.  that warm smile that she had not withheld from me ever since the very first day I stepped foot in their house to start my courtship with her youngest daughter.  I missed it so.  during that FaceTime moment, I never told my wife, but, my heart cried helplessly.  I could only offer a fervent prayer to the Infinite if it is possible to make her smile anew.

Claudia is my wife's mother and so she was my second mother in this physical plane.  there is no doubt in my heart that she had wholeheartedly accepted me like her own son.  as me and my wife hurdled the challenges of married life, she was always there with her words of wisdom, encouragement, comfort, and an all encompassing motherly love.  every occasion we visited, her warmth and goodness and support always shone through.

i will miss the homely baked goodies she loved to serve.  i will cherish in my heart that funny moment during my early courtship days, when, she learned i was vegetarian and she cooked for me a meal of chilli peppers in coconut milk.  i heartily ate those chilli pepper spears to impress her,  confident in my thought that they were the ones that are not hot.  but they were, and they burned inside my mouth, and my tongue, and my throat. tears had formed in the corners of my eyes, and beads of sweat appeared on my forehead.  and she was there, watching me, with that motherly smile, so innocent, unknowing that those chillis had wrought havoc in me.

Claudia, or, Nanay Luding, as we fondly call her, is like the white clouds i saw today up in the sky this radiant Sunday morning -- light, bright, easy, happy.

she had passed away physically, but she will remain in my heart. . .

so long, Mother ...

when silence dwells

i thought when i got back to posting last April it will be continuing. i thought wrong. something happened which consumed much of my time and i needed to prioritize. i lost my job and i had to concentrate on getting one the soonest i can.  so i harnessed my energies and focused on landing a job.  i must admit i have not much material especially monetary savings to fall back on.

with the Infinite's grace i was able to get hired again.  the job's not as well paying as my previous one but it should see me and my family through. if one lives Life as simply as one can, one does need so much of Life's accoutrements. if one tries to do an honest inventory of the things that makes him or her    really joyful, one will find these are the things that do not cost so much. and the Joy is even more pure and more lasting.  in his famous book, The Little Prince, Antoine de Sainte Exupery reminded us, What is essential is invisible to the naked eye.

so i was able to land this job. still i cannot go back to blogging. i have to spare much time to learn the rudiments of this new job so that i can perform it to the best of my abilities.  no matter how small a job or a task is, one must give one's best.  to be able to give our best, we must know how to do things the right way.

since my mind focused on learning the new job, it cannot meander and much as i tried to, i simply cannot find anything to write about.  Silence dwelt in my mind.

i am glad today that i am able to write this post.  somehow, the mind was able to meander now. i am getting familiarized with my new job. things are easier and i am getting more relaxed.

analyzing now those times when i was silent, i realize there were two kinds of Silence I got confronted with. one is the Silence where the mind finds emptiness and inactivity, where somehow it is not connecting to anything. the other one is that Silence where the mind finds stillness. this Silence assures the mind that it is still connected, that there is still vibrant activity, that all is well in the universe, that the Infinite still Is.

now, i know what to do. when my mind dwells in silence again and finds emptiness, i will let it surrender and relax and trust that soon the Infinite will fill the void. 

Silence will still dwell but the mind will not be empty.

it will be still.  and it will find the Infinite and its soundless activity.