checking back (old pedro's lament)

i tried to review my posts the previous year.  i started with the january posts.  what caught my attention was the one i did on old pedro the streetsweeper.  it is very seldom that i see him now.  it was said that he was again given permission to do odd jobs for the folks in our village. last december i was told he dropped by the house looking for me.  i know he was expecting a gift from me.  whenever i can, i try to give him something.  up to this time, i have not met him yet.  usually it is during the wee hours of the early morning, from 2:30 to 3:00, that i come across the old guy. during this time, he is already beginning his street sweeping. my guess is that the old guy is not being entrusted odd jobs anymore.  i still have the one hundred pesos i set aside as my christmas gift to him.

i remembered hearing this from him once, last year,  during one of our conversations: "boss," he said, "it is difficult to be old and still have to provide for one's family.  my spirit is more than willing, but my old body can only do so much."  he said this with a smile on his face but i know he is masking some pain inside.  if only his family will be able to hear this lament. i just told him to take it easy and just do things which his body will conveniently permit him to do.  he just gave me a weak nod and proceeded to battle the scattered leaves on the ground.

i distinctly remembered this because of something that i resolved to do this year -- that is, to devote more time to know my true self more. to let my mind to spend the bigger chunk of time looking inward, not outside.  i have already examined things and i am definite i will never be able to find contentment hankering over the things outside myself.  they offer only fleeting pleasures.

now, what i realized as an important lesson from old pedro's lament above is this -- that, i should try to do this inward gazing, this looking in, as early as now.  while my body is not decrepit yet, while my body is not yet a captive of old age and its inconveniences.  if i wait till i am old and my body is withered and plagued by diseases and old age miseries, then my mind will never be able to look into itself comfortably, because by then it will be besieged with the inconveniences of old age. 

thus, we all have to consider the wisdom in old pedro's lament.  we have to start now. begin early while the body is not beset with inconveniences.  let us make the journey inward to where the Masters say we will rediscover our true nature.

we are not these bodies that decay and rot. 

many of us might have received notebook planners as gifts.  it will be very pleasing to see inside those planners this entry as a reminder --

today, i have completed my outer pursuits, having done so, i will now sit in a quiet corner, close my eyes, and look within, the Inner Me is beckoning, i will endeavor to learn more now of this stranger.

not sad not old not month not day to us all!

not sad not old not month not day to us all!

i tried to send this message to several friends by text.  after a long while, one replied to me -- "you should have just said happy new year! i almost got a headache trying to decipher your text message."

"sorry," i texted back, "i was just trying to greet you a little differently this time.  i really meant to try to tweak your brain this time, just to help you recover from the holiday hangovers."

the other friends texted back also and they were equally amused or probably were irritated. well, the message achieved its purpose of being different.

 2012. another new year ahead of us. another new set of trying days. well, of course, all of us are hopeful, wistful, that the year will be different for us. everyone is wishing that this new year will not be difficult.  that this new year will be a happy one. 

happiness is mostly a state of mind. a state of well-being, or, being well.  a mind that is at peace with itself is a happy mind.

so, we must all endeavor to be well.  we all must work at this.
try not to be sick.  try not to be in situations where difficulties will beset us.  most times, out of our curiosity and eagerness, we are actually the ones "inviting" these difficulties.

let us try to live simply.
try to avoid doing things that are not necessary.  let us not crave.
things that will not contribute towards achieving a peaceful mind.and a healthy disposition are not necessary.

let us devote time this year to knowing more of our True Self.

mr. bullfrog, merry christmas!

it was about 3;30 in the morning, i hurriedly went out of our gate and walked towards where i get my ride for work.  two more days and it will be christmas again.  the early morning's not too cold and my body felt rather lazy as i walked.  i have these bodily signs i'd be stricken with colds.  my throat is alternately itchy and sore and my nose feels clammy and wet. 

i'm the only person around.  walking silently.  from a distance i could hear some singing.  it was karaoke before but now it is videoke.  i guessed some people just could not wait for christmas day to get their parties started.  judging from the way the songs were being sung, those singers surely had one too many drinks.  yet, people who hear the songs surely will forgive the singers.  it's not the song, it's not the singer, it's the occasion. december is supposed to be a happy month.  a month of revelry, reconciliation, sharing, loving. those in the christian world should especially know this, as this is the month that the birth of Jesus the Christ is being remembered and celebrated.

walking slowly now as i turned the familiar bend in the road, i suddenly felt so alone.  i looked up at the clear sky.  the stars were there with their pinlights.  the wind is soft against my face.  how many christmases now, i thought to myself. oh, so many now. and in my life, people have come and gone. for some i have vivid memories, for others,  just faint recollections. 

ah, life!  ah, time!  time-life, life-time, is passing by!  what have i accomplished?  what have i done?  what is the significance of my existence?

my philosophizing mind somehow got snagged when my eyes caught this strange protrusion on the road several yards from me. i thought it was a big rock judging from the shadow it cast on the ground.  the light from the streetlamp behind it did not help much.  i took cautious steps as i neared it. i was even imagining it might be a coiled snake waiting to strike me.  it was not moving.  i sidestepped so it will not be in my direct path.  when i was about four feet from it,  it suddenly croaked.  it might have heard my steps and got startled itself but still it did not budge. just made that sound. like a piece of hard carton being ripped wildly.  i stopped when i got opposite the figure.

it was a very large bullfrog.  its round eyes were bulging and were staring ahead not minding me.  its coarse skin is so thick. it was sitting calmly on its hind legs.  i tried to stomp my foot to create a distraction but i guessed it never heard me.  it just kept on staring ahead.  looking at something or nothing.  suddenly, a thought flashed in my mind as i stared at this unmoving creature. it is telling me this --

" i am me.  i am being myself. i am expressing my bullfrogness."

 i felt ashamed as i walked past him.  he just sat there. alone as i am alone again walking towards the jeepney stop.

 well, merry christmas, mr. bullfrog.